Graceful Motherhood Requires Versatility

I never knew that letting go of control would be so difficult when I became a mother. Before I had children, I had dreams of being a graceful, joyful woman who was there to perfectly fulfill her child's every need. What's more, I wanted not only to perfectly fulfill their needs, but to anticipate them as well, so that I would be ready with a solution anytime a problem arose. Was I trying to be their God? Was I kicking Him out of the picture? Perhaps. Either way, I quickly learned that I was not going to be able to be that kind of mother, and this caused a lot of frustration.

I began to realize that life was not going to be as I had pictured as soon as I became pregnant with my second child at only seven months postpartum. I remember missing out on sweet Sunday walks with my little girl and my husband in order to get the needed sleep that the little one growing inside of me demanded. Over the years, I have missed out on many experiences because I was busy completing necessary tasks.  Needs and wants started to pit themselves against each other. There were times when I would have rather been with my family than soaking in a bath to ease my pregnancy-induced sciatica. There were times when I missed big events because my teething child just needed to be cuddled on the couch. Then, when I was able to be a part of new experiences with my children, I struggled not to control the experience because I was afraid they would get hurt, or because I wanted them to do things my way. 

This struggle not to control, this challenge to become versatile, was quite difficult for me in the beginning. I fought it for years, and consequently, I have many regrets. However, I am learning.

I am learning to let go of clean floors, because I would rather have sticky floors than miss the time playing tag outside with my children. I am learning to let go of the desire to be the main person who reads to all the children in order to let my eldest read to her little brother, thus building their relationship and furthering her reading skills. I am learning to be OK with a messy kitchen if it means my daughters learn to cook and Sunday breakfast is no longer my responsibility. I am learning to let my child test out of their entire math book once they show me they understand the concepts, rather than waste time drudging through each page just to say that we did it. I am learning that in order to raise incredible kids I must let go of controlling the process.

God is so wonderful! He tries to teach a mother right off the bat that happiness is found in letting go of control. A lifestyle with a newborn baby requires so much of letting go of the "self" in order to live it with grace. It is so painful at first! Believe me, I know. But, it is also such a beautiful process on the other side. If you let go of your preconceptions, if you learn to roll gracefully with the unpredictability of raising children, then you will find yourself saying in amazement, as I often have, "God knew (SO much more than I did) where I was going to find true happiness."