Raise Problem-Solvers

I became a mother relatively late in life. My first daughter was born when I was 28, and I continued to have children close together in my early to mid-thirties. I noticed that, as a consequence, I seemed to be a lot more controlling than my friends who had had children in their 20s. Perhaps I had already seen much of life's risks, or maybe it is just my personality, but letting go of parental control was really, really tough for me. It was only when my six-year-old started to ask me if she could fill up her water bottle that I realized that she didn't feel free to do some of the simplest things around the house. A few days later, my three-year-old asked if he could play with some of his toys. "Honey, that is not something you have to ask me to do." I replied. Wow, I thought, something has to change. I called my mom.

Freedom within limits, a Montessori principle, was something she said I needed to consider. "If you want your children to become good problem-solvers, then you need to give them the opportunity to do so." She also said, "Anytime you start to insert yourself into your child's world to help them or fix something, ask yourself if they can do it themselves. If the answer is yes, then do not do it for them. It is tough at times, but you MUST hold back if they are to figure things out for themselves. And when they really need help, they will ask."

Here are some activities to help children to become better problem-solvers. Be prudent and remember that children become capable at varying ages. Know your child and set them up for success. Many of these ended up working so well for me!

• Task your child with making a meal for the family. Give them a few ideas that you know they could complete. Then, let them do it. It may mean simple meals for a while, but as they ask you to teach them more, for example, to run the rice cooker or stove (which I always supervise), then you will find that they begin to expand knowledge on their own.

  
  

• Ask your child to clean the floor. Give minimal instruction and make your expectations clear to them. Then, let them complete the task on their own.

  
  

• Take a guided grocery store trip. Give them 5 things to find and help them check out. You may need to help in little ways, but try not to control them unless you have to.

  
  

• Task an older sibling with helping their younger sibling—This is great; if the younger one comes to you to ask for help, you can first ask an older sibling to help them. It will save you time and help your older child's problem-solving abilities.

  
  

• Of course, puzzles, brain games, mazes, and matching games are always great.

  
  

• Finally, be open to the problems that life will throw at your child and be patient enough to see if your child can work their way through a problem.