Prioritize Your Spouse

As soon as a newborn enters the home, the craziness begins. It is a beautiful kind of crazy, but crazy nonetheless. From sleep schedules to diet changes, the life you knew before your baby was born is gone. If your family adds more kids, they add more crazy. This is not a bad thing; it is just a thing that needs managing well. One of the biggest challenges that I noticed right off the bat was the ability to find quality time with my spouse. I was often mentally and physically tired, too tired to engage with my husband at the end of a long day. We were living right next to each other, but I felt so far away from him. I expressed this to my mother and this is what she said...

"A strong marriage makes a strong family. The child-bearing years are a stage in which the basic needs of diaper changing, meal fixing and mess cleaning tend to come first in the order of priorities. After that you must prioritize your spouse in order to build a strong, healthy marriage. Here are some things to keep in mind:

1. Aim to spend at least 1-2 hours of quality time with your spouse each week. This quality time can be found before all the kids are up, or after they've gone to bed. You can also break up this time into 2-3 mini dates during the week.

   
   

2. Keep it simple. Check in with each other. Ask each other questions.

   
   

   What was the best part of your day/week? What was the worst part of your day/week? What are you excited about? What are you struggling with? Is there something you would like to change? How would you go about that? Is there something that I can do for you?

They can be the simplest questions, but you want to send a message to your spouse that you love them and you are invested in being their teammate.

3. Laugh and play together. Find a bored game you both will play and play it. Find a book to read aloud together, maybe 20 minutes 2-3 nights per week. Dance to your favorite music. You may have to give up some screen time, but you will find this quality time so fulfilling if you do it consistently.

   
   

4. Anytime you find yourself tempted to be frustrated with your spouse, take a deep breath. Then, say a quick mental prayer for them. Ask them questions about their thoughts and motivations and try to seek understanding. Remember that this was the person that YOU chose, the person that YOU gave your vow to, and the person that God wants you to help get to heaven."